Relearning How To Breath

“Breathing the Lord in and my self out. In and out. More of you. Less of my rebellious, insensitive crap.”

This is one of the ‘sticky notes’ on my desktop. I’m not sure at this point if it’s a quote of someone else or my own thought. Because I love quotes I usually lean towards attribution so I’m guessing it’s my own. Either way, it’s my daily companion.

It’s been an interesting six weeks for me. Six weeks during which I’ve had ZERO–yes, I said ZERO–seizures. (Hence the picture of fireworks…) Don’t get me started on the medical end of this complicated and hopefully permanent phenomenon… I’m busy being exceedingly thankful for it. God is beyond good in ways that, as usual, I could never have anticipated.

Now that I’m not all hopped up on anti-epileptic meds (or hopped down?) and am not randomly seizing every week or so… It’s time to get back to normal life. I’m working on that. But it takes a while to reverse all the things you have to put in place when you have such severe seizures. And in the interim I’m going a little stir crazy. And by a little, I of course me a lot. Because of my personality–outgoing, neurotic, high energy, relational–I’m particularly prone to stir crazy. And so the Lord and I have been wrestling. Really in my mind we’ve been circling one another. Like fighters before a sparring match.  Continue reading

Loving Peoples’ Details

“I think Mom and Dad should have gotten you tested for autism.” My sister said this to me recently. Or something along those lines. (Yeah, we’re all about the honesty in our family…)

She was referring to the fact that I’m highly tactile. I run my fingers along clothing to see how they feel. The other day I touched someone’s shaved head and literally jumped six inches in the air because it didn’t feel how I expected. (Sooooo weird. Do not touch shaved heads. They feel super weird.)

I have a visceral reaction to the minute details of the texture of things. If I was on the fence about dating someone and they started wearing a lot of flannel and really soft t-shirts, I’d probably date them. Continue reading

Getting Unstuck

It’s been quiet around here lately. And by quiet, I of course mean silent.

Sorry about that. I’ve had a lot on my mind and heart lately. You’d think this would generate posts, but it has the opposite effect.

I seem to be accumulating things to blog about. This creates a problem. Whenever I sit down to blog, I look over at my mental pile of ideas and am immediately overwhelmed. So I write a little, but it feels forced and uninspired, like writing in a weird self-created sweat shop. I end up trashing everything.

And the silence continues. And grows. And starts to breath. Continue reading

Building Unity, Sherlock Holmes Style

“Anything I can do for you? Shall I consult the list?” 

This is what one of my friends asked me this week via text. The list she’s referring to is the one I threw together for my “How You Can Help While I’m In The Hospital” post. It’s a list of things that make me feel loved, seen, cared for, or amused. Coffee. Mixed CDs. Sunflowers. Hilarious 2 a.m. emails. That kind of thing.

I laughed when I read her text. Because she was serious. And because sometimes it really is just that easy to make someone feel loved. Continue reading